as i sit here and listen to dublab crank out some mad jazzy beats over some stand up bass and a wood flute, i try to think what i was thinking 2 hours ago as i was supervising sound for a local church in a well off community. the speaker was talking about grace and somewhere in there i remembered that my perception on love is different than a lot of people I know. I sometimes wonder if we love on our own free will or if that's a gift that God gives us too. I sometimes wonder if all we are truly capable of on our own, as humans, is desire. I tend to think that if you want to be in love then you ask God and he will either grant it or not. I suppose this mentality is a little goofy, but I search for a reason that we lose interest in one another, or how our hearts can be hardened towards God. I think a part of me has always believed that God will grant me the ability to fall in love with the right (or wrong) person and that person will fall in love with me God willing. But isn't it possible that God would use even our love for one another to further his plan? I mean God gave Abraham children and intended Abraham to love them, then He asked for Abraham's first born. What I'm saying is, I find that people have a hard time wrapping thier minds and hearts around the idea of something for nothing, or that the greatest things in life can't be earned. They are unable to accept what God is doing for His glory, they want to taint his plan with their own. Perhaps it is our western culture where gifts are rejected without consequence. I know in many eastern cultures it is considered rude not to accept a gift. I find this to be such a beautiful concept, I like to think that Christianity is an eastern religion being practiced in a western culture (or at least assimilated), but that this sort of mentality is what was meant to be passed on to God's children. You never know when someone needs to give more than you need to receive. Just like when you love someone. They can't earn your love, and everyday you are giving them your heart because it is yours to give and not theirs to take. When they stop accepting that love, it can tear us apart, especially if we are giving God's part of our heart away too. It must hurt Him when we don't accept His love. I'm not sure if we love on our own volition, but I do know that God is good and my love comes from Him.